smack in the guts.

20Mar10

Sometimes life has a way of smacking you in the guts when you least expect it. In really small and unusual ways.

This morning, I logged onto Facebook, and as usual on the right hand side of the page is that annoying bit where Facebook suggests people you might know, and people you should reconnect with. Today it suggested to me to add Chris Bowler as a friend, cause we had 2 mutual friends. Is there a way you can say ‘fuck you Facebook’? How come it is only now, 17 months after he’s died, that Facebook suggests we become friends?! What’s weird, is I can’t bring myself to press the little X in the corner, to get rid of the suggestion. But I also can’t click ‘add as a friend’, because I know there is no point.

I’m also getting very frustrated with myself, and my body. And more so my lack of control over my body. More and more people are noticing that my hand has tremors. Which has occasionally led to things getting worse. I just don’t understand why people have to keep asking me if I’m ok. Once maybe, I would probably do the same thing. But over and over again? If I’m sat having a drink, having a laugh, then surely from that you can deduce that I am fine? If I accidently hurt myself because of the shaking, or it gets worse, then fine, as me if I’m ok again. I just wish people would accept things that aren’t normal to them. If I’m not ok and I need help, then I’m not scared to tell you. To tell anyone.

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