Life really can be shit sometimes, can’t it?

01Feb11

Life can be shit sometimes can’t it? It’s been a while since I did a blog post of any sort. Quite frankly, because everything that has made me have any sort of reaction to things has been either so deep and personal I didn’t want to share it with the world, or has been so petty and meaningless I felt embarrassed to share.

Today, I learnt that the world of a good friend of mine has changed for good. In all honesty, it’s pretty much crashed down around her. Her family has lost a vital part. The core. She lost her Dad. And I feel helpless in what to say to her, other than that I’m here for her if she needs me.

I hate having to find words to say when someone has suffered a loss like that, because I know that no matter what words people say to you, even waking up on those first few days is hard. It stays with you forever. It is over 2 years since I lost Chris, and those wounds are still as fresh as the day he died.

Times like this just make me so grateful for the people I have around me. The ones I can call on for tea, for beer, for a laugh and a joke. The people I cry to, the ones I can go to when I just need a hug, for no reason. The people who can make me smile with a simple text, or just when I hear their voice. They can be the ones I see everyday, or every week. Or they can be the ones that it is almost a military operation trying to get us in the same place at the same time. It doesn’t matter. True friendship is about being able to see someone and pick up where you left off. Not needing to see them every day, week, month or even year.

They’re the ones that you text or email when things are shit. Not because you need a response, just because you know they care, you know they’d want to know. The ones who you can talk at rather than to, knowing that they’ll listen and more so than that, knowing they would do exactly the same to you.

Sometimes it takes an apology from someone before you realise how much they mean to you. Sometimes it takes losing them from your life (whether temporarily or permanently). Sometimes it’s just when you realise that you have seen something that only they 2 of you would find funny. When you have ‘saw this and thought of you’ moments.

But mostly, having good friends means not being afraid to admit to them that you’re scared, or upset. It means being able to tell them you feel lonely without them feeling guilty that they haven’t done enough.

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